


'Til it's gone

by AnitaB



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-23 09:17:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18149978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnitaB/pseuds/AnitaB
Summary: Disclaimer:  I don’t own them. I just want them to have a better chance at real happiness than Daddy creator will give them.  Not for profit. No infringement intended.Pairing: Buffy/Spike.Spoilers: Set between Glory’s beating of Spike and Glory’s mind-sucking of Tara.  (i.e.. Tara’s not insane and this is soo pre-angry sex between Buffy and Spike.)Summary: You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.This is a hard drive special, but I like sharing.





	1. The Bloody Crisis

Title: ‘Til it’s gone

 

Author: AnitaB

 

Rating: NC-17

 

Disclaimer: I don’t own them. I just want them to have a better chance at real happiness than Daddy creator will give them. Not for profit. No infringement intended.

 

Pairing: Buffy/Spike.

 

Spoilers: Set between Glory’s beating of Spike and Glory’s mind-sucking of Tara. (i.e.. Tara’s not insane and this is soo pre-angry sex between Buffy and Spike.)

 

Summary: You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.

 

Thoughts and Flashbacks in / /

 

‘Til it’s gone 

 

By AnitaB

 

Chapter 1: The bloody crisis

 

"Little Bit," Spike tapped lightly at Dawn's window, squatting on the slanted roof as a steady stream of blood rolled down the shingles. "Little bit, open the window."

 

On the other side of the glass, Dawn's eyes opened sleepily and she threw off the quilt.

 

"Spike? Is that you?" Dawn walked to the window, covered neck to heels in flannel pj’s.

 

"Yeah, it's me. Open the window." Spike shifted closer to the glass, he'd missed the girl. Buffy and the scooby gang hadn't let him come around much lately and certainly not as much as he’d like to.

 

"What are you doing here?" Opening the window, she turned around and glanced behind her at the bedroom door. "You'd better go. I don't know how she'll take you coming here, Spike."

 

"She won't have to stake me if she finds me here, little bit, she'll just hafta watch." He raised a hand, showing her the red seeping trails down his arm. "Someone's put a bleeding spell on me. I need your help."

 

"How? I don't know enough magic to do anything." Dawn climbed out onto the sill to get a better look at his arm. A small shallow cut marked the skin just below his elbow. A more than human amount of blood dripped from the wound. And vampires usually bled much less than a normal human. "How dangerous is it?" She looked up at him and Spike was touched by the amount of concern in her eyes. At least one of the Summers girls didn't hate him on sight. Maybe the other would come around eventually. It was a big, dark, hazy maybe, but it was better than nothing.

 

"I don't know, little bit, that's why I'm here. Who else but you and the Slayer’s scoobies can figure out and fix this bloody nuisance."

 

"I'll go get her." She turned to step back into the room, beginning to call her sister. "Buf "

 

"No," The hand on her arm left bloody fingerprints on her sleeve. "Don't tell her yet. She might just finish me off and make her life a whole lot easier." 

 

"Buffy wouldn't kill you, not after what you did for me... for us." Dawn motioned to where the bruises had faded from around his eyes, a big part of her still felt guilty that he'd suffered for her and there was a ‘thank you’ in her face as well as an eagerness to help him however she could. 

 

"Still, I don't quite trust my hide to her gratitude just yet. Talk to the witches, talk to Xander and Giles. They'll be a mite less inclined to give whoever did this to me a medal of honor. I'll come back tomorrow and see what came of it."

 

"Will you be all right until then?" She glanced worriedly at the red liquid streaming wetly down his arm. 

 

"I'll be fine, little bit, I've got a whole gallon of blood in the fridge at home. I won't run dry by dark." 

 

"Okay, I'll see Tara and Willow at the magic shop after school, they might be able to help. Do you know who did it? How long has the spell been active? Does it do anything else but prevent clotting?"

 

Spike couldn't help a smile at just how much like Willow and Buffy Dawn could be. The strong Summers bloodline was both a blessing and a curse. Such strong and capable women but so stubborn. Spike had no doubt whatsoever that Buffy did indeed feel something for him but she would never admit it. That bloody girl might even be lying to herself, such a stubborn, willful chit. Unfortunately for him it didn't change how he loved her one bit. Spike still wanted her, badly. 

 

"I don't know who did it, little bit, but I started bleeding like this the day afore yesterday." He laughed with a bitter note. "At least it was after Glory finished with me, I mighta bled to death."

 

Sitting down at his side, Dawn leaned against him a little, looking up with curiosity and concern written on her face. "Can you do that? I mean, can vampires bleed to death?"

 

Spike felt her hair against his shoulder and began to understand something he'd seen Buffy do dozens of times touch Dawn's hair. There was something very reassuring, very comforting about the feel of her hair on his skin. The heavy, silken warmth flowing down his arm was a silent sign of her life. She was safe, and home. The remembered pain of the severe beating he'd gotten faded a little. It was worth any amount of pain to protect the Summers girls. Anything Glory would have done to Dawn would have hurt Buffy three times as much. Any pain was worth preventing that. Brushing his hand over Dawn's hair he braced it on the roof behind her. "Normally no, little bit, we vampires don' bleed to death, but with a spell, with magic involved, who knows?"

 

Dawn wrapped her arms around her knees, leaning a little closer against his side. "I still think you should come inside and talk to Buffy, this is serious."

 

Spike draped an arm loosely over her shoulders, trailing his fingertips through her hair. "Relax, little bit, I'm a big, bad vampire. I won't give up without a fight. Besides, your sis has magicked me out of the house. I couldn't go in if I wanted to."

 

"She's pretty mad at you, isn't she?"

 

"Yeah, she's mighty peeved."

 

"That Buffy robot wasn't a good idea."

 

"Seemed like a bloody good idea at the time." 

 

"Why did it seem to be" Dawn's voice took on a really bad impression of Spike's accent. "a bloody good idea?" She looked at him like he was insane, an idea that hadn't escaped him. Of course, some of the women in his life might have something to do with his slipping sanity. Ordering that robot hadn't been the height of sane practicality. "You knew it wasn't really her and she was going to find out eventually. You had to know that."

 

"I did, little bit, but you don't understand." Spike let out a sigh. He'd never treated Dawn like a child and he wouldn't start now. "I wanted to be with Buffy, would've done anything to be with her. But she wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't even look at me. Buffy wouldn't believe that I lo cared about her and she refused to admit to even the tiniest bit of emotion for me. And then that robot threw me through a window and she laughed. I knew I should forget her and find somebody else but there was no one else like her. So I ... I had a woman like her made for me." 

 

"So it wasn't about sex?" The point blank question would have shocked him from anyone else. But Dawn had never pulled punches with him and he had to return the favor.

 

"I won't lie to you, girl, we didn' spend our time playin' checkers." 

 

"So it was sex?" She moved away from his arm just a little, almost a flinching movement.

 

"No, little bit," Spike touched her chin, making her look at him. "It wasn't just sex, Dawn. The robot, that Buffy saw me. She cared about me and didn't deny it. She let me hold her. She wanted me to hold her. I could talk to her and she talked to me. It was more than sex to me."

 

"Good," Dawn rested her head on his shoulder for a minute before getting up. "I have school in the morning, so I'll talk to the gang and get back to you tomorrow." 

 

Helping her back into the window, Spike nodded. "I'll be here. Good night, little bit." 

 

"Good night, Spike." Dawn closed the window and deliberately locked it, looking at Spike through the glass. 

 

He smiled, "Smart girl," Saluting her through the glass, Spike walked around the corner of the roof to Buffy's window.

 

Crouching at her window sill, he gazed through the glass at her. Wrapped in blankets, Buffy slept with a pillow clutched in her arms and a frown on her lips. She looked like she needed to be held. "Buffy," he whispered, wishing he could go in there and hold her. Laying one palm against the glass, Spike could feel the spell blocking him outside the window. He couldn't go to her, he couldn't move into the room to hear her breathing. He couldn't sit on her bed and kiss the frown from her lips. She wouldn't let him. Dropping his hand, Spike climbed off the roof and began walking home to his crypt.

 

Behind him, Buffy moved in her sleep, squeezing the pillow in her arms and softly whispering a name. His name, "Spike,"

 

***

 

Dawn wandered along a bookshelf in the magic shop, randomly tracing the titles with a fingertip. "Willow, are there spells that would kill a vampire?" 

 

Willow, bent over one of several books spread out over the table, looked up suspiciously. "Why would you want one, Dawnie?"

 

"I don't want one. I want to reverse one."

 

Giles set down a book and leaned on the counter near the cash register. "Dawn, explain." 

"Well, Spike came to my window last night and "

 

"Does Buffy know?" Giles took off his glasses and moved to join Willow at the table.

 

"No, of course not. He came to me for help, like I'm gonna turn him over to her bad mood." Dawn sat down and folded her arms on the table. "You guys know what he did for me. He needs our help now, it's important, please." 

 

Exchanging a glance between them, a decision was reached."Okay, Dawn, we'll see if we can help. What's wrong with Spike?"

 

The smile on Dawn's face was joyful and quick. Spike had been right, his good deed was the equivalent of a get out of jail free card. "He's under a bleeding spell."

 

"A bleeding spell?"

 

"Yeah, he had a small cut on his arm that was just streaming blood. Spike said it started two days ago. He didn't know who did it." 

 

Anya walked out of the stock room in time to hear some of the explanation. "Sounds like a vengeance demon." 

 

"What?" Dawn turned sharply to see the ex demon.

 

"Well, think about it. Spike has spent a couple hundred years bleeding people and now he's mysteriously bleeding. Sounds like someone Spike has hurt dead loved one or something has called a vengeance demon."

 

"Well," Willow shrugged, "That might narrow down the kind of spell used, but how many people would want to hurt Spike?"

 

"That could be a very long list." Giles thoughtfully stroked his chin.

 

"You don't think it could be..." Dawn asked worriedly. The unfinished question was instantly understood by those present.

 

"No," Willow said automatically

 

"Of course not, Dawn. If Buffy wanted Spike dead, she'd do it herself." Giles' voice didn't hold as much certainty as Dawn would've liked but it reassured her none the less.

 

"Of course it isn't Buffy."

 

***

 

/My life would be so much easier if I just staked the soulless bastard./ Buffy stared down at a flat circle of dried blood and a cigarette butt on the sill outside Dawn's window. She'd already had Spike added to the warding on the house. He couldn't cross any entrance of the house, but that didn't stop him from sitting outside.

 

Buffy knew he spent a great deal of time standing in the front yard looking up at the windows from the amount of cigarette butts she'd found in the grass. But this was the first time she knew of that he'd come so close /And he was bleeding/ She shook the thought out of her head. She didn't care what happened to him, Buffy told herself. She'd be happy to never see his pale face again.

 

/His pale face was so covered in blood and bruises she was surprised he could see past the swelling.

 

"Spike, you're covered in sexy wounds." Hearing her own voice in the Buffy bot impression, she tried to deny what those sexy wounds meant to her. He'd suffered for her. He'd been tortured for her. He’d been willing to die for her.

 

"Yeah, I feel real sexy." He was hurt so badly he could barely sit up.

 

A few meaningless exchanges later, Buffy got to the important question.

 

"Why did you let that Glory hurt you?"

 

"She wanted to know who the key was."

 

"Well, I can tell her and "

 

"NO!" the force of his exclamation brought on a coughing fit and Buffy was touched by the emotion and insistence in his voice. "You can't tell her. Glory /never / finds out." He was still hunched around his ribs, pain written in every line of his face.

 

"Why?" It was hard to stay Buffy botish when the answer meant so much to her.

 

"Buffy, the other, not so pleasant Buffy. Anything happened to Dawn, it'd destroy her. I couldn't live, her in that much pain." The conviction and ...love?...she heard in his voice sent a rush of warmth through her, touching her heart against her will. "I'd let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did.” *Oh, Spike* Buffy leaned forward and touched her lips to his softly. She  
didn't want to hurt him. The gentle contact sent another flood of warmth through her. One she told herself was unwelcome and unwanted. Buffy told herself the touch of his lips on hers meant nothing, that she felt nothing. She denied it.

 

Suddenly he pulled back, the look on his face saying he knew. He knew it was really her and not his robot. He knew it was her. /

 

Buffy pushed the memory out of her mind, at least she tried to. That kiss...the shiver tracing her spine. She tried to believe the shiver was disgust, revulsion. She tried to play the recurring dreams she had of him like nightmares. That his touch was unwelcome and unwanted. That his name on her lips was a protest not a request. That his voice whispering words of love in her ear as he held her close was a lie. That no part of her wanted to hear those words from him, wanted to feel his touch. That she didn't want him. She couldn't want him. She tried to believe it.

 

Closing Dawn's window, Buffy walked down the stairs to the kitchen. She had chores to do.

 

***

 

Spike stretched out on a stone slab in his crypt, his still bleeding arm hanging limply over a bucket on the floor. Half asleep, he was thinking about her. Buffy, the real Buffy not his robot. He'd fought against loving her, but he couldn't help himself. He'd never been able to control his reaction to her. Even when he'd still been her enemy, when he'd been trying to kill her, he'd been falling. Fight after fight, Spike couldn't bring himself to strike the last blow, he couldn't kill her no matter how much he thought he wanted her death. 

 

Every woman in his life Druzilla, Harmony, all of them were unconsciously measured against Buffy; they always failed miserably in comparison.

 

/Bloody hell, I'd rather fight with her than shag anyone else./ Though if he were completely honest with himself, he'd rather touch Buffy than breathe. And the second she gave any sign of welcoming his touch, Spike might not be able to control himself. She would never know that the one small kiss she'd given him after Glory's beating had done more to him  
than anything and everything he'd done with the robot.

 

Leaning back against the stone, Spike closed his eyes and licked his lips. He could still taste her. He had known it was her, would have recognized her touch and taste if he'd been blind folded. 

 

"Buffy," 

 

He couldn't stop loving her, even after she had rejected him completely.

 

/"Just, give me something, a crumb, the barest smidgen. Tell me... maybe, someday, there's a chance." He moved closer, close enough to feel the heat of her body mere inches from his own. His eyes searched her face desperately, finding the slightest reason for hope in her expression. His hands itched to touch her, his lips ached to feel hers.

 

"The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious." Her words refused to sink in immediately, but when they did it felt like a dozen razor sharp stakes being driven one by one into his heart. *Bloody Hell*

 

Rage and pain mixed in his throat and forced their way from his lips in the form of an inarticulate shout. Her rejections up to this point had hurt 

 

"You can't tell me that there isn't anything there between you and me. I know you feel something." 

 

"It's called revulsion. And whatever you think you're feeling it's not love. You can't love without a soul." 

 

But this one, this denial of any future chance felt like she had pushed one of her beautiful hands through his ribs to tear his heart clean out of his chest.

 

"What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women? What the hell does it take? Why do you bitches torture me?"

 

"Which question do you want me to answer first?" The flippant tone of Buffy's voice didn't ease the pain afflicting him. Her continued refusal to show any of the emotion he was absolutely certain she felt filled him with more than a little desperation. If she left him tonight before he could get anything from her, before she admitted to any feelings for him, he might never get another chance. That desperation carried through the brief fight with Harm. It wasn't lessened a whit by the feel of Buffy's fist slamming into his jaw, or by the sight of her walking away.

 

"It may not be pretty but it's real. I'm a part of your life and you can't shut me out." He heard his own words stop mid heartbeat as he slammed into the invisible wall blocking her front door. *Bloody hell, no* A weak smile crossed his lips as he tried not to believe that she could really shut him out of her life. He tried to beg her with his eyes. *Please, Buffy, don't* The door slowly closed in front of him, the click of the lock felt like a death blow.//

 

"Buffy," Laying back limply against the stone, Spike wondered if bleeding to death might hurt less than Buffy's continued cruelty and rejection.

 

***

 

Dawn huddled in her pajamas on the swing on the darkened front porch, waiting for a vampire. Anyone else, well almost anyone else, in her situation would be shaking in fear. Dawn, however, was just a little cold and not afraid at all. After all, she was waiting for Spike, a vampire who couldn't hurt humans and happened to be madly in love with her sister. What did she have to be afraid of.

 

Dawn didn't have any doubts that Spike really did love Buffy. She'd heard the word he'd almost said, /Buffy wouldn't believe that I lo cared about her.../ Everything Spike had done recently seemed to Dawn to be an obvious declaration of love. He had been there for Buffy, for Dawn, when they'd needed him. Dawn knew he'd helped her so much after her mom's death  
as much for Buffy as for her. He'd helped her break into the magic shop so she wouldn't go alone, to keep her safe. He'd helped her with the resurrection spell, risking everything to protect her from the Gora demon and get the last ingredient for the potion. Dawn felt safe with Spike, she knew what he'd gone through to protect her from Glory.

 

Part of her wondered what it would take for Buffy to realize just how much Spike had changed. 

 

"Hey, little bit," he sat down next to her on the swing. "You look cold," Slipping his leather trench off his shoulders, Spike wrapped it around her, tucking the ends over her bare feet. If only Buffy saw him like this sweet, caring, and not evil at all. But then she'd throw a fit if Spike tried to be like this with her. "So, what did the gang have for us?"

 

Tucking her chin against the leather collar, Dawn leaned into the curve of his arm behind her. "Anya thinks it's a vengeance demon." 

 

"A vengeance demon? But I've been fixed. What have I done to anyone recently?" 

 

Dawn looked up at him, her face telling him not to be stupid. "Who said it has to be recent? Maybe it's someone you hurt before you went chips ahoy." 

 

"Chips ahoy?" The tone of his voice and the look on his face both screamed offended male pride. 

 

"Yeah," Dawn kept her smile to a minimum and tried to keep the laughter out of her voice. "That's what Buffy calls it."

 

"Ugh," Spike slumped into the swing, stretching his legs out in front of him and leaning his head back. "Chips ahoy, more humiliation at that girl's hands. I don' know why I put up wit' her."

 

"Yes you do, Spike. You're in love with her. You'd let her do anything to you and still come back." Dawn's voice and body language expressed no doubt whatsoever. 

 

He didn't shift one single muscle from his position of false relaxation as he spoke. "Why do you say that, little bit?" 

 

"Spike, I'm not stupid or blind. Don't treat me like I am."

 

Spike smiled against his will at Buffy's no-nonsense tone in Dawn's voice. "You remind me so much of your sister sometimes." Stroking his fingers through her hair, Spike turned his mind back to the business at hand. Anything but Buffy. "So what did they suggest I do about this vengeance demon?" 

 

"Well, Willow thinks if you come to the shop she might be able to reverse the spell." 

 

"An' if she can'?" 

 

"Well, then we'd have to deal with the demon. Kill it and the spell should end, too." 

 

"Demon killing, you know what that means." 

 

"Yup, we need Buffy's help." 

 

Spike turned on the swing to face her, deeply insulted and not hiding it at all. "Hey, little bit, who was it fought the Gora demon to get you an egg. Who stood up to a god for you. I am a vampire. A big, bad, evil vampire and I don' need her help." 

 

"You don't need whose help?" Buffy leaned against the door frame with a disapproving frown on her face. "What are you doing here, Spike?" 

 

Dawn watched with fascination as Spike wrapped himself in ego and indifference. He draped an arm over her shoulders, pulling her close against his side. "Well, Slayer, I'm just sittin' here talking to my friend." His voice was the perfect act but Dawn could feel the faintest tremble of his hand against her arm. /Poor Spike, you're so far gone./ "Is that a problem?"

 

Buffy's eyes skipped over him entirely and focused on Dawn. /Ouch, poor Spike./ His arm tightened around her reflexively.

 

"Dawn, go inside." 

 

"But, Buffy..."

 

"No, 'but Buffy's. Inside the house, now." Buffy moved to gesture Dawn into the front door. "And go to bed, you have school tomorrow."

 

"Fine, whatever, sis." Dawn stood abruptly, throwing a smile to Spike before heading inside. She stopped in front of Buffy with a purposefully blank expression on her face. "Don't hurt him."

 

Spike smiled at her retreating back. Somehow her protectiveness of him gave him hope. /If one Summers daughter can really see me, maybe the other can too./ His eyes turned to Buffy, then fell away from the look in her own. /Eventually./ He brought his gaze back up, watching her intensely as he waited for her words. He wouldn't break this awkward silence first. /God, she's so beautiful./ It was a gift he hadn't expected to get, to be able to look at her, to watch her move. It had been so long since he'd been this close to her. 

 

And move she did, pacing the short distance from the door to the stairs. Then nervously turning to face him without looking at him, she finally spoke. "What do you think you're doing here, Spike? I told you "

 

"You've told me plenty, Buffy. You told me I don' love you, I can' love you. You told me you don' feel anything for me, you'll never feel anything for me. You told me to stay away from you, from the niblet, your friends everyone who means a single bloody thing to be in this bleeding little town." He stood, moving towards her with every muscle tense and his eyes locked on her face. "Then you told me I did somethin' real for her, for you and you'd remember it." Spike stepped even closer, carefully watching her for sudden movements. At any moment, Buffy might attack him to stop his words. Or worse, go inside where he couldn't see her, couldn't talk to her, couldn't smell her perfume. Couldn't hope to touch her. Shifting his body between hers and the door, he backed her up against a column, deliberately staying out of arm's reach. "And now after everythin' I did, how much I changed, I see you even less. At least the niblet likes me and doesn't deny it. She knows she's safe with me. So what more are you gonna tell me now?" His body ached to close the distance to hers but her eyes stopped him. They were caught between confusion and rejection. Spike though he might see the faintest hint of desire, of affection in her eyes, her face. He stopped, feeling foolish for the outburst, but still waiting for her reaction.

 

"Why are you here, Spike? What do you want?" Her voice shook slightly and her hands clutched the blanket closer around her body. But he couldn't read in her face if it was to protect herself from the cold or from something else. Maybe him, maybe herself. 

 

"You know what I want." His voice was soft, on the edge of pleading. His face matched the same soft curve on his lips as had been there when she shut the door in his face. When she'd spelled him out of the house. Spike didn't take another step closer but his body language said he wanted to. The eye contact got too hard and he dropped his gaze. "But that isn't why I'm here tonight. I got a problem, so I had the niblet ask the others to help me." He laughed a touch bitterly and held out the arm that was still trickling blood. "Who else but your crew could possibly fix this?" 

 

Watching the small but steady trickle of blood flow down his arm, Buffy tried to feel nothing. She wasn't at all troubled by the fact that Spike was bleeding. "You have been there for Dawn, Spike, so I owe you." Stepping closer, she touched his arm, wiping away the blood to see the wound and shivering slightly at the feel of his skin under her fingers. "How long have you been bleeding?" Looking up to meet his eyes, Buffy realized just how close she was to him. His body was only inches from her own. Only inches, such a short distance to cross, then she could feel him against her. His lips hovered above her own, so close she could feel his breath on her skin. She'd felt those lips against hers once. She'd only intended it to be a thank you kiss for all he'd done for Dawn, but it had been more. Buffy couldn't forget how it had felt. And a part of herself she tried to ignore wanted to feel it again, wanted to feel more.

 

"Buffy?" Spike lifted his hand to touch his fingertips to her cheek. 

 

Oh, no. He could see it in her eyes and there was nothing she could do to get the need off her face. Part of her wasn't even willing to try as her body lifted itself on her toes, instinctively trying to get closer to his lips. A shiver traced her spine as his hands cradled her face and his lips murmured her name. Her eyes fell shut as his lips pressed against her own. Her arms curled involuntarily around his neck as his arms pulled her tighter against his body. It felt so good. He felt so good holding her, kissing her. The hungry movement of his mouth against hers clenched muscles all over her body. "Spike." 

 

"Buffy, I love you." Burying his face in her hair, he held her very close, pressing her hard against his body, starving for the feel of her.

 

"Spike, I ... I can't." She pulled out of his arms and retreated across the porch, shivering but not from the cold. /I can't. I can't feel this for him, I can't./

 

"Buffy, please," Spike followed, standing in front of her with his hands held out to her pleadingly. "Please, don' "

 

"Tomorrow afternoon, we'll come by your crypt and try to deal with that," She motioned weakly at his bleeding arm without looking at him.

 

"Buffy," 

 

"No, Spike. Tomorrow at your crypt we'll work on the whole bleeding thing. Now, just go." 

 

Studying the expression on her averted face, Spike nodded. Picking his leather trench up off the swing, he turned to face her again. "Tell the niblet I said goodnight...and thank you." 

 

Her eyes down and her hands clenched in the blanket, Buffy nodded, still refusing to meet his eyes even though she could feel his gaze on her. She didn't hear him leave but she felt it, a continually growing smaller part of her brain saying she wanted him to leave. The rest of her wasn't so sure, remembering the feeling of safety and rightness she'd found in his arms. Glancing over her shoulder, Buffy watched Spike walk away. Pressing her fingertips to her mouth, she whispered quietly. "Spike," 

 

***

 

"Buffy," He threw his coat over a stone and sat down in the chair in the middle of the room. He'd finally gotten to touch her and it had been amazing. Spike could still feel her in his arms, her eager response to his kiss, her arms around him. Closing his eyes, Spike remembered the look in her face when she'd touched his arm, the heat in her eyes as she'd leaned up for his  
kiss, the tender confusion written all over her when she'd pulled away. And even though she had pulled away, Spike took hope from it. She'd touched him at last and he could only look forward from there. "Buffy, love." 

 

"Buffy?" A high-pitched, whiny voice spoke from the shadows of the crypt. "Are you still forgetting me, Spike? I'm the actual girlfriend, you're supposed to be thinking about me!" 

 

"Harm?" Spike sat up with an expression of pure irritation on his face. "First, Harm, you are not the actual girlfriend. You left me. Second, I wasn't thinking about you when you were still here. So haul your annoying little ass out of my crypt and leave me alone." 

 

"I don't think so, Spiky. You've been a bad dog and it's time you got punished." Stepping out of the shadows with a familiar looking crossbow in her hands, Harmony smiled, seeming both blank and angry. "So hold still, I don't wanna miss." 

 

"Harm, be sensible. You don't want to hurt me." Holding his hands out to calm her down, Spike stood up and walked towards her. "Put down the bow and we'll talk about all of th " 

 

His voice cut off as the breath was forced out of his lungs by a blow to the stomach. Glancing down Spike was shocked to see several inches of a wooden shaft extending out of the front of his shirt.

 

"You shot me, you bloody little bitch!" He stumbled backward into the chair, one hand clutching the blood soaked cloth around the arrow. 

 

"That's not all I did, Spiky." Leaning down, she whispered in his ear. "I called a vengeance demon on you, you bad, bad dog. How do you like to bleed?" Harmony tossed her head, throwing her very blonde hair over her shoulder. "Well, how do you like it, 'cause that's how I felt every time you neglected me, every time you looked at someone else instead of me, every time you hurt me. Enjoy your death by blood loss, Spiky." Smiling blankly, Harmony stalked out of the crypt, blonde hair bouncing behind her.

 

"Bloody hell, women will be the end of me. Bloody bitches, all of them." Slumping from the chair to the floor, Spike mourned Harm's dumb luck timing. He'd finally been allowed to touch the woman he loved and he might sit here and bleed to death before he saw her again. "Hurry, Buffy." 

 

***


	2. Admitting it

‘Til it’s gone

 

By AnitaB

 

Disclaimers and other info in chapter one.

 

Thoughts and flashbacks in < >

 

Chapter 2: Admitting it

 

"Oh, my god, what have I done..." Despite the words, Buffy wasn't asking a question as much as berating herself for the act of kissing Spike. a voice in her head reminded her. It wasn't helping that the voice was right. She had liked, she had liked it a lot. The strength of his arms holding her tight had felt...safe, right. He'd said that Dawn felt safe with him and Buffy knew she was. Spike had proven what he'd do for Dawn. But why did he have that same effect on Buffy.

 

 

That damn voice wasn't helping again. Buffy was trying to reason it away, to forget what happened on the porch and that voice talked like she wanted more. Like she wanted Spike. Like she might love Spike.

 

No. The voice was wrong. Buffy didn't want him. She hadn't liked the way he'd whispered her name. the gentle way he'd touched her cheek. The soft sound of the words 'I love you' he'd murmured into her hair. The strength of his arms around her. The way his voice sounded saying 'Please don'.' 

 

She didn't like any of it. Buffy would simply choose to let him die if she didn't owe him so much for protecting Dawn. That was the only reason she'd agreed to help him. The only reason, really.

 

She was only anxious about tomorrow because it was time to pay back her debts to him. After tomorrow Buffy wouldn't owe Spike anything anymore. She'd never have to see him again if she didn't want to. And she didn't want to see him again. Did she?

 

"So are we gonna help Spike?"

 

Buffy looked up at the sound of Dawn's voice. Now was not a good time. Buffy had almost convinced herself and Dawn would try to change her mind, she wanted Buffy to give in to this sick attraction to Spike. "I thought I told you to go to bed, Dawn." 

 

"I thought I told you not to hurt him, Buffy."

 

Buffy stood up a little angrily. "I would nev..." She stopped suddenly. She couldn't possibly have meant what she'd almost said. "I said I would help him, isn't that enough?"

 

"No, but it'll do for now, I guess." 

 

"What, Dawn, what more would be enough? What more should I, the Slayer, give to Spike, a centuries old vampire who's killed god knows how many people?"

 

"Buffy, why are you so blind? Spike isn't that person anymore. He's changed." 

 

"Changed? He's been fixed, that's not real change, Dawn." 

 

Dawn moved to stand in front of Buffy, looking down to meet her eyes. "That isn't it, Buffy, and you know it. He's been fixed. He's changed, and he's in love with you. Doesn't that mean something?"

 

Her breath caught in her throat, her heart stop in her chest and her mind froze in realization. __

_"Doesn't he mean anything to you?"_

_Buffy looked at her, wide eyed with panic and confused: and she lied. "No, of course not. Now, I told you to go to bed." Ushering Dawn through her bedroom door, Buffy retreated into her own room, sitting on the edge of her bed and clutching the pillow._

_She couldn't deal with this right now. Sleep. Sleep and forgetfulness. By morning, Buffy was sure she'd be back in control of herself. Sliding between the sheets, she tried not to think of the feel of Spike's skin under her hands._

_Her dreams that night were less than helpful. Now that she knew how a real kiss from him could feel, the dreams were better, or worse, than ever. Every detail sharp and clear, Spike held her all night. His skin against hers, his hands touching her. His mouth caressing hers breathlessly. The tender slide of his lips along her throat, whispering words of love against her pulse. Buffy woke with the feel of Spike's hair in her hands. The taste of his kiss on her lips. The ache of desire riding her body. The sound of his name on her lips echoed in the room as she sat upright in bed. "Oh, no. What's wrong with me?"_

_And that damned voice in her head had an answer. Silence in the room and in her head taunted her. Buffy didn't have a reply to that._

_***_

_"Spike? Spike, we're here." Dawn flung open the door and walked into the crypt ahead of Buffy and the gang. Taking a few more hurried steps, the tone of Dawn's voice changed, taking on notes of panic. "Spike!" She ran, kneeling down to touch his face. "Buffy, he's hurt."_

_Running into the room, Buffy's eyes fell to a horrible sight. He was laying in a puddle of his own blood, the shaft of an arrow sticking out of his stomach surrounded by a bloody lump of cloth she could only assume had been his shirt._

_"Spike?" Forcing herself to move more slowly, Buffy went to his side, sinking to her knees beside Dawn. "Spike, wake up." At the edge of her senses, she could feel the others file into the crypt and move to Spike. "Come on, Spike. Wake up and tell me who did this to you so I can get them for you." One hand on his cheek, Buffy fought to keep the emotions she wasn't ready to deal with out of her voice._

_"Buffy? Little bit?" Spike weakly nuzzled Buffy's hand with his lips and squeezed Dawn's fingers. "Harm," he coughed, his body jerking harshly. "Harm did it. Shot me, called a vengeance demon. Jealous of you." His eyes focused on Buffy, a wealth of emotion easily seen in the gaze._

_"Spike," The emotion she'd been fighting broke through into her eyes, the sight of him blurring slightly, like it was seen through a sheet of water._

_"Buffy," Willow got her attention with a sharp note in her voice and a commiserating face. "We can break the spell, but he's lost a lot of blood. He won't make it without..." she paused, searching for the right phrase. "a donation."_

_Blood, Spike needed blood or he'd die. And blood he was going to get. "Do it, Willow." Buffy pulled Spike up to lay across her lap. "Dawn, get me his pocket knife." She pointed at the leather duster across the room and, watching Dawn fetch the blade, readied herself for the cut._

_"Here it is, Buffy."_

_As Dawn handed her the knife, Buffy felt Spike move against her like he was shaking his head. In the background she could see the others preparing to break the bleeding spell. But really all her attention was on Spike. She leaned closer to hear him and, if she were honest with herself, just to be closer._

_"Spike,"_

_"No, Buffy, don'. Don' want hurt you."_

_Ignoring his protest completely, Buffy looked to Willow. "What do we do?"_

_"He needs blood, as much as you can give. Dawni, when I tell you, you'll have to pull out the arrow." Turning to Tara and Giles, she asked. "Ready?"_

_As three voices began the spell, Buffy pressed the knife edge into her skin, deep enough to start a steady flow. "Drink, Spike," Holding her wrist to his lips, Buffy held him closer. "Drink,"_

_His eyes locked to hers, Spike kissed the palm of her hand before opening his mouth over the cut in her skin. She felt a shiver run down both their spines at the intimacy of this, this act of sharing blood the feel of his lips and tongue feeding at her skin._

_Buffy's heart flinched when Dawn pulled the arrow out and Spike muffled a pained sound against her skin. Her vision blurred even though she kept her eyes locked on his face. Some of his strength was returning: he raised one hand to hold her wrist to his mouth._

_"It's working."_

_Buffy couldn't help but feel the same relief and joy so obviously held in Dawn's voice. Finally tearing her eyes from his, Buffy marveled at the sight of the wound in his stomach closing._

_"Spike,"_

_Savoring one last taste of her blood and placing one last kiss on her skin, Spike let go of Buffy and moved to sit up. He failed, falling back into her arms._

_"Relax," Willow sat in front of the two of them. "It worked, but you need time to recover."_

_"And the spell?" Spike shifted unconsciously to feel more of Buffy's body along his own, thoroughly enjoying her warmth along the skin of his back._

_"Broken, and it shouldn't be able to be recast either. We added a warding."_

_"Yeah," Tara interjected. "You should be immune to harmful spells for a little while."_

_"Thanx," Awkwardly raising himself up, he braced his upper body on his arms. "What took you so long. The niblet's been outta school for over an hour."_

_"Hey, we just saved your life and you're complaining about our timing?" Dawn slugged him on the shoulder then leaned in closer to hug him, smiling over his shoulder at Buffy. "He's gonna be fine."_

_"Yeah, right back to his old self." Buffy's voice was both very relieved and somehow vaguely cynical._

_Pulling out of Dawn's hug, Spike lifted Buffy's wrist to his lips with heat in his eyes. He ran the tip of his tongue along the cut in her arm, tasting her skin as much as the blood, seducing her with his gaze. "You should wrap this. No need to waste good blood." The feel of her hand trembling in his and the sight of the expression in her eyes sent sparks throughout his body._

_Her eyes fell to his lips as she took a trembling breath. Pulling her hand from his, Buffy stood up sharply, brushing her wrist against her shirt as if wiping off his touch. "Yeah, I'll have to do that." Walking further across the room, Buffy fidgeted nervously. "Well, we should go and let you get some rest. You still need to recover."_

_Everyone in the room watched her intently, each with a different expression. Tara and Willow looked at her with varying degrees of concern. Giles's expression held puzzlement. Dawn's smile growing by the second was unmitigated amusement. Spike's gaze held desire and a note of satisfaction. Dawn, however, was the first to act._

_"Yeah, we should go." Moving to stand in front of Spike, Dawn pointed a warning finger at him. "Now, you're going to stay in bed, drink lots of blood and not go out during the day for a while, understood?"_

_"Yes, ma'am," Spike gave her another hug and whispered in her ear. "Thank you, little bit." Pulling back he tilted up her chin. "I'll see you soon, all right?"_

_"You better," Dawn turned back to the others with a command on her face. "Let's go." Puzzled, but blood soaked and wanting to clean up, the others followed her out. Buffy followed last, having a hard time keeping her eyes off Spike. His gaze on her didn't help. A step outside the crypt door, his voice continued not helping._

_"I'll see you soon, Luv."_

_Buffy stopped and, without turning, threw the words over her shoulder, "No, you won't, Spike."_

_***_

_Buffy stalked through the cemetery carrying a bottle of blood. There were times that Buffy almost hated Dawn and this had to be one of them. Because of her, Buffy was in the cemetery at midnight, about to see the vampire who was trying to seduce her. Yeah, she could almost hate Dawn._

_Maybe if she were lucky, he wouldn't be home. She could leave the blood in his fridge and sneak out without seeing him. Knocking on the crypt door, Buffy opened it a few inches._

_"Blood bank delivery." She let out a sigh of relief. He wasn't there, good. Hurrying to the fridge, she put the blood away and turned around to find herself less alone than she thought she was, jumping slightly._

_"A little off your guard tonight, Slayer? You must have something on your mind." He had that look on his face the look that said need, want. That attentive gaze searched for and found her every weakness to him. It was the look he'd had on his face when he'd said they had heat and desire between them. And damn him, he'd been right. "Is it me?"_

_"Is, is what you?"_

_"Is it me on your mind? Are you thinking of me, luv? Are you thinking about us?" He moved closer, muscles tense and watching her like a predator does prey._

_“No, and don't call me that." It was an outright lie and they both knew it. Buffy tried to sound like she meant it. Like she really didn't shiver inside when he called her 'love'. "How many times have I told you there is no us?" Taking a step backwards as he moved closer, Buffy felt the fridge against her back. There was nowhere to go. Not that she could really convince her body that she wanted to leave._

_"And how many times have your actions told me otherwise." Bracing one hand against the fridge, Spike held his body inches from hers, feeling the trembling she couldn't stop. "You saved my life, Why?"_

_"Because of what you've done for Dawn. I owed you."_

_He stopped her with the soft stroke a fingertip over her lips. "No, that's not it. You helped for that, but it was more." His eyes eagerly focused on hers, tracing his fingertip back and forth over her lips. "You opened a vein for me, fed me your own blood, Buffy." Lifting her bandaged wrist, Spike nuzzled her palm, kissing her skin. "I can still taste you, luv. It meant something to us and I want you to say it."_

_Trembling at the feel of him, his body close to her own, his lips on her skin, she tried to be strong, to resist. "It meant nothing."_

_"Liar," He stroked the tip of his tongue over her skin, watching her eyes fall closed in pleasure. "You feel it, Buffy. The connection between us when we touch," Pressing his body hard against hers, he groaned and treasured the small sound she made. "When we kiss," Wrapping one arm around her waist, Spike pulled her harder against him and pressed his lips to hers._

_She couldn't help it. She'd tried to be strong, tried to resist but she couldn't. It was too much, it felt too good to resist. Buffy's arms wrapped around his neck of their own accord, her hands reveling in the texture of his skin. Her lips parted on a sigh, eager to taste him again, as her nails clenched in shoulders. He felt so good. The lean muscle of his arms held her tightly. The hard strength of his body pressed hers against the fridge. His tongue gently teased her own, deepening the kiss and coaxing her into more active participation. The second he got it, Spike pulled back, feeling her body follow his, try to reestablish contact._

_"Tell me that didn' mean something to you. It did, didn' it." Stroking her cheek with his fingertips, he smiled into her eyes. "Tell me you want me, Buffy."_

_She more than wanted him, Buffy ached for him. An intense need to feel all of him was flowing through her veins as her blood was flowing through his. "I I want you, Spike."_

_"God, luv, I want you so much, Buffy." Clenching his hands on her upper thighs, he lifted her against the fridge and pressed his body between her legs. One hand glided up her body to fist in her hair. "I wanted this for so long." He pulled her lips to his, kissing her ravenously as his hands began to roam her body._

_Winding her legs around his waist, Buffy eagerly kissed him back, threading her fingers through his hair. This was how it was supposed to feel. An urgent, needy, desperate search for skin, contact. "Spike, please."_

_He pulled back, hands cradling her face and lower body pinning her to the fridge. "Tell me what you want, love."_

_"I want to feel you. I need to touch you, please." Her hands restlessly stroked along all the skin they could reach, his face, arms and neck, trailing the sharp edges of her nails. "Now,"_

_Wrapping her body more firmly around his, Spike lifted her up and carried her to the flat stone slab. Lowering Buffy down onto her back on top of his leather coat, he leaned down with an arm braced on either side of her. "If you want to stop this, you better run now, Pet, 'cause I'll give you everythin' you want and more." Rocking his hips into hers, Spike left no doubt in her mind about how much he wanted her._

_Leaning up, Buffy trailed her lips along his throat, biting not so gently at his pulse point as her hands ripped his shirt open from collar to hem and began her first exploration of his body. A harsh groan escaped him at the scratch of her teeth and the touch of her skin. The urgency of her response to him sent need racing through his body._

_"Buffy, you're wearing too bloody much clothing." Standing, he pulled her up to sit with her legs on either side of him. Catching her hands as they moved for his belt, Spike growled in her ear. "I want to touch you, luv." Pinning her hands to the stone, he sucked at the skin of her throat. "Don' move." Kissing her softly, he began unbuttoning her shirt, stroking each little bit of newly exposed skin. "You feel so good, Buffy."_

_She groaned, disobediently reaching for him and deepening the kiss. "Spike,"_

_Obeying the pull of her, Spike moved into her arms, his hands pushing her shirt aside to feel the silky skin of her back against his arms. Long years of practice had created a certain level of expertise for him. Without once losing his hold on her, Spike worked both her shirt and bra off her body, groaning deep in his chest at the feel of her wrapped around him, naked to the waist. Taste, he needed to taste her. Pulling back from her kiss, Spike pushed her down to the stone slab, trailing his lips down her neck._

_"Spike, please," Her hands gripped his hair, guiding his mouth lower. Buffy needed more, and Spike groaning the words 'I love you' against her skin felt better than she wanted to admit. Similar words pressed at the back of her throat as his mouth fed hungrily at her breast._

_"Sweet Buffy," Switching his attention to the smooth skin of her waist, he roughly peeled the clothing from the lower half of her body. "Bloody hell, luv, you are so beautiful." Rubbing his hands up her body, Spike laid down in her arms, groaning at the feel of her legs around his waist._

_"Spike, I need you." Nimble fingers caressed down his muscled stomach on their way to his belt, jerking it open with a twist of her wrist. He was so close and Buffy's body ached to feel his, to hold him inside herself. Fumbling hurriedly, she pushed a hand past the cloth to touch him, wrapping her fingers around his hard length._

_"God, Buffy," He arched helplessly into her touch, groaning harshly against her throat. She felt so good touching him, holding him. "I love you so much, Buffy. You feel so good, luv." Catching her wrist, Spike pulled her hand away, moving back to strip off the rest of his clothes. The sight of Buffy spread out naked before him, watching him eagerly, wanting him, sent love and desire coursing through his body. Spike had never needed anyone as much as he needed Buffy. And now she wanted him at long last._

_"Spike, now," The word sloughed into a groan as he stretched out over her, one of his hands sliding between their bodies to touch her. Joining his lips to hers, Spike stroked the wet heat between her legs, drinking the pleasured sounds from deep in her throat._

_She was ready for him, her body begging for more with every movement, every sound. Withdrawing his hand, Spike licked the taste of her off his fingers. "You taste so good, luv," Obeying the increasing strength of her grip, he moved into her arms, kissing her wildly and rocking his hips against her._

_"Spike," Tightening her legs around him, Buffy reveled in the feel of him pressed hard against her, his skin against nearly every inch of her own. "Now, Please." Her voice trembled, her hands digging into the skin of his shoulders as she tried to keep control of her voice. Words she wasn't quite ready to say hovered on the tip of her tongue, held back weakly._

_Fisting both hands in her hair, Spike locked his eyes on her face and, with a smooth angle of his hips, filled her with the entire length of himself._

_Sharing a heart felt groan, they savored the joining of their bodies. Buffy threaded her fingers through his hair, gasping at the feel of Spike inside her. "So good,"_

_"Buffy," Stroking a hand over her hip, he pulled her closer, pressing deeper within her and moaning with pleasure. "Love, you're beautiful, perfect, mine." Urgently moving against her, Spike watched the emotions in her eyes, giving her his heart as much as his body. "Buffy, I love you. I love you so bloody much."_

_It was too much, every sensation combining to weaken her self control. The heavy pulsing of his body within hers, the tender caress of his hands over her skin, the pure intimacy of his gaze on hers and the emotion dripping from his voice pushed the words in her mind closer to the surface._

_"Spike," Buffy arched up into his arms, her body riding the knife-edge of ecstasy as he thrust harder and deeper inside her. His lips ran up her throat, his teeth nibbling at the rapid pulse just under her skin. The passion crested as his teeth pressed just hard enough to dimple the skin.  
Climaxing in his arms, words rushed out her mouth as her nails marked his shoulders. "Spike, I love you, Spike!" _

_His head shot up at her words, his eyes searching hers. "You mean it, God, love, you really mean it. I love you, Buffy." Pressing a kiss to her lips, Spike clutched her tightly and collapsed in her arms, pleasure of a kind he'd never felt before filling every cell of his body._

_"Buffy," Propped up on his elbows, Spike brushed her hair back to see her eyes. "Love, tell me again." Dropping a kiss on her lips, her neck, he treasured her eager response to his touch. "Please, Buffy, say it again."_

_"I I love you, Spike."_

_"I love you, Buffy." Tilting her chin up, he tenderly pressed his lips to hers, feeling her kiss him back with just as much emotion._

_***_


	3. Vengeance and Friends

‘Til it’s gone

 

by AnitaB

 

Disclaimers and other info in chapter one.

 

Thoughts and flashbacks in < >

 

Chapter 3: Vengeance and friends

 

***

 

"Hmm...." Buffy sighed at the feel of Spike covering every inch of her back with soft kisses. A random stroke of his tongue against her skin dragged a groan from her. "Spike," uncurling her fingers from the blankets, Buffy turned in his arms, pulling his lips to her own. He obeyed, laying his body along hers and kissing her passionately. Pulling back, Buffy laid a hand against his cheek. "I have to go," 

 

"No, stay." He tightened his arms around her forcefully, holding her close. “Stay with me.” 

"Spike, it's almost dawn." 

 

"Yeah, so? I just got you into my bed, you think I'm gonna let you go so soon."

 

"Dawn'll worry if I'm not there when she gets up." 

 

Spike laughed and pinned her hands to the bed, holding her down with the length of his body against hers. "The niblet sent you over here, right?" At her reluctant nod, he continued. "Then she knows where you are and what you're doing. There's no hurry to leave." Lowering his head, he nibbled at the line of her throat, his groan vibrating against her skin. "So stay a little longer. I don' want to let you go yet." Her pulse sped up under his mouth and a breath pushed past her lips, stroking his ego. 

 

"I have things to do during daylight, I've got to go." The tone of her voice wavered between determination and passion.

 

"All right, luv. I'll let you go home today, Pet, if you meet me at the Bronze tonight." Enjoying the small battle of wills, and how easily his touch heightened the passion in her voice, Spike tightened his grip on her and pressed her deeper into the mattress just to hear her groan. God, he loved that sound.

 

"Okay, I'll see you at the Bronze." She knew she had to leave now or she might not leave at all. He was just too distracting. Buffy pulled herself out of his arms and off the bed, shaking a finger at him. "And don't you ever even think you can control me, Spike. I'm not your pet." 

 

Crawling to the edge of the bed, Spike trailed a hand down her arm, watching the shiver he caused run down her spine. "You sure about that, luv, ‘cause I think I got more power over you than you admit." Standing, he stepped close, his eyes detailing the response to him written so clearly on her face. "You want me and you know it. But I like a strong willed woman as much as you need a strong man." Spike kissed her lightly, pulling back with a little difficulty as she moved to deepen the kiss. "Tonight, then, at the Bronze." 

 

Trembling slightly and enjoying it thoroughly, Buffy nodded. "The Bronze." 

 

 

***

 

"So, did Spike enjoy his blood?" Dawn spoke cheerfully as Buffy tried to shut the front door silently. Jumping, she turned in time to see Dawn's smile get even wider. 

 

"What, do I have to sedate you to get you to sleep? You have school in two hours." 

 

"I could say the same to you, Buffy. You're up just as late as I am. And it looks like you had more fun than I did." 

 

"Dawn!" 

 

"Don't even try, Buffy." She laughed, "He left marks outside your clothes." Reaching up, Dawn flicked a hand at a hickey just above Buffy's collar. "When are you seeing him again?" 

 

"Dawn," 

 

"Oh, come on, Buffy. I'm not blind. I sent you to see him at midnight and you come in at six am, obviously having enjoyed the time. So when are you seeing him again?" 

 

"You're not going to let up until I tell you, are you, Dawn?" 

 

Smiling, Dawn replied with a very matter of fact tone in her voice. "Nope." 

 

"Fine then, yes. I'm seeing Spike tonight at the club." 

 

"What are you gonna wear?" 

 

"I'll decide later, right now I have an errand to run while it's still daylight." Buffy pulled a wooden stake out of a trunk by the door, a dark smile on her lips. 

 

"Oh, Harmony? Can I go, too?" 

 

"No, and I didn't say that's what I'm doing." 

 

"And you didn't say it wasn't. Do you know where she is? Please, can I come? If we go now, I won't even be late for school, please. Spike's important to me, too." 

 

"I know he is, Dawn." Buffy sat down across from her. "But I'm the one that let him down. This is something I need to do myself." 

 

Dawn smiled at the exposed emotion in Buffy's face. This act of vengeance was Buffy's gift to Spike, a way to show him she cared. Abstractly Dawn wondered if and when Buffy would actually say the words. "Okay, you can stake Harmony by yourself if I get to see what you're wearing for Spike before you go." 

 

"Who said I'm wearing something for Spike?"

 

Dawn rolled her eyes, laughing at the look on her sister's face. "Fine, I want to see what you're going to wear to the club." 

 

"Fine. You can see the outfit. Now, I have to go and when I get back you better have gone to school or else." 

 

"Oh, I will, and enjoy killing your boyfriend's ex." 

 

***

 

Dawn's words reran through Buffy's mind as she sat alone at a table in the Bronze. Part of her mind was wondering if she should have worn this outfit. The halter top left most of her back and all of her arms bare. The skirt fell to mid thigh and was made of a loose and clingy fabric. The outfit left a lot of skin exposed. And that had been the reason she'd chosen it. Probably it was also the reason Dawn thought Spike would like it. It had sounded like a good idea when she'd been standing in front o the mirror at home. But now, Buffy was vaguely uncomfortable. The object in her hands felt uncomfortable too. It was a small glass bottle of ashes, dust. Harmony dust. The bitch had been unsatisfyingly easy to stake, but she'd deserved it for hurting Spike. Buffy knew why she'd done it and why she was going to give it to him.

 

But how?

 

Still absorbed in her thoughts, Buffy felt him come into the club. She didn't hear him, or see him. But she knew without a doubt that Spike was in the room and looking at her. She could feel him. A shiver traced her spine as she turned to look at him. Buffy could read the appreciation on his face from across the room. Something inside her thrilled to see the blatant desire in his eyes as he walked across the floor to her. 

 

"Hello, luv," Sliding a hand along the skin of her back, Spike dropped a kiss on her lips and sat down with an arm around her, relief in his voice and on his face. "You came," 

 

"I said I would," Unknowingly Buffy moved closer, cuddling into his arm and shivering at the touch of his hand against her skin. Her eyes moved over him, from the look in his eyes and the smile on his lips to the line of his leather coat over his muscled shoulders and the tight stretch of his t shirt across his chest. She wanted him badly and it showed in her eyes.

 

"Buffy," he leaned closer in response to her expression and the small but visible shiver, resting a hand just above her knee and rubbing his thumb over her skin. "You keep looking at me like that, we're gonna hafta leave." The low rumble of his voice against her ear made her close her eyes and take a deep breath.

 

"Spike?" 

 

"Yeah, luv," 

 

"I ...." She couldn't do it yet and changed the sentence mid breath. "Let's dance," 

 

He smiled, knowing that hadn't been what she was about to say. But Spike wasn't stupid enough to turn down the chance to touch her. "You got it, gorgeous." Stripping off his coat, he stood and held a hand out to her. Pulling Buffy to her feet, Spike kissed the inside of her wrist over the bandage and led her out to the dance floor. 

 

Sliding into his arms, Buffy curled her own around his neck as his hands settled on her hips and pulled her close. The rhythmic beat of the music matched the beat of their blood through their bodies. He felt good, his hands stroking along her back and hips, his eyes locked to hers. Pulling her closer, Spike felt her body moving against his and couldn't help the instantaneous reaction of his body to hers. 

 

"Buffy," He splayed a hand over the bare skin of her lower back, holding her against his body. "Why so quiet?" He whispered in her ear, "Don' you want this?" 

 

"Spike, I " Buffy realized then that it hadn't once occurred to her that she could turn back. That she could pretend it hadn't happened and end whatever this thing was with him. But she didn't want to. Buffy wanted this. She wanted him. "Yes, I want this, Spike. I love you." Threading her fingers through his hair, Buffy pulled him down for a passionate kiss, pressing herself harder against him.

 

Wrapping his arms around her tightly, Spike responded to her words and her kiss with every fiber of his being. One hand fisted in her hair as the other pressed her hips hard against his, kissing her like he'd never let her go. Pulling back barely an inch, Spike spoke against her lips. "I love you so bloody much, Buffy." Stroking a hand down her thigh, he lifted her knee against his hip, kissing her again.

 

"Spike," Breaking the kiss, she stayed in his arms. "I have something for you." 

 

"I bet you do," His voice rumbled low against her skin as he nuzzled his lips against her cheek, stroking his fingertips along the skin just under the edge of her skirt, headed higher. 

 

"No, it's not that.” She paused, pushing his hand down weakly. "Not here anyway. follow me." Twining her fingers through his, she led him back to the table. Buffy moaned slightly as he wrapped both arms around her from behind and pressed himself against her back. She could feel the length of him pressing against her spine, hard and eager. And distracting.

 

“What is it?” Spike leaned his chin on her shoulder, watching her pull a small bottle out of her purse.

 

“Here, it’s for you.”

 

Taking the bottle, he shot her a puzzled look.

 

“It’s Harmony, no customer, no vengeance demon.”

 

“You killed her for me?” Spike turned her in his arms, stroking his thumb over her lips.

 

“Yes, I killed her for you.”

 

“Buffy,” He tilted her chin up and kissed her tenderly, holding her close.

 

“Buffy?”

 

Spike whispered, “Damn,” against her lips before loosening his arms enough to let her turn without letting her go.

 

“Buffy? What’s going on?” Willow stood a few feet away with a strangely blank expression.

 

“Oh, hi, Will. How are you?”

 

Willow’s eyes widened as Spike tightened his hold on Buffy without her protest. In fact, she cuddled closer, didn’t she?

 

“Well, I’m good and you?”

 

“She’s fine,”

 

“I asked her, Spike, not you.” Holding a hand out to Buffy. “Buffy, I need to talk to you,” Her eyes flicked to Spike and back. “Alone,”

 

Spike tilted Buffy’s face up, dropping a short kiss on her lips, “I’ll be at the bar, hurry back.” He kissed her wrist and walked over to a barstool where he could still see the two women.

 

Willow watched Spike go, then grabbed Buffy by the arm and dragged her over to the table. Anya, Xander, and Tara looked up with surprise.

 

“Buffy, I didn’t know you were coming.” Xander pulled up a chair. “Sit, drink. Enjoy the Bronziness.”

 

“Buffy, what do you think you’re doing?”

 

“What did it look like I was doing, Will?”

 

“It looked like you were kissing Spike!” 

 

Xander stood up with concern written on his face and laid a hand on her forehead. “No fever,” Tilting her head, he checked the skin on her throat. “No bite marks,” Pushing her down to a chair, he sat and stared at her. “Sit, explain, now.”

 

Ducking her head, Buffy fiddled with the bandage on her wrist. “Explain what?”

 

“Hmm, the make out session with fangboy comes to mind.” Xander folded his hands on the table and locked his eyes on her face, watching her carefully while keeping his own face blank. 

 

“Is he forcing you somehow? Is it a spell?”

 

“No, Tara, he wouldn’t do that to me. I’m with him because I want to be.” 

 

“But why, Buffy? Why now? You’ve been fighting him for so long. I remember the look on your face after he almost told you he loved you. You were terrified, disgusted.”

 

“He almost died. I almost lost him without ever...” She stopped a moment, her voice catching almost painfully in her throat. “I couldn’t keep lying to myself. I care about Spike and I need to see where it could go.” 

 

“Do you trust him?” Xander’s face was serious, concerned but also beginning to accept. This was obviously, and with good reason, a very important question to him. 

 

“Yes,” She answered automatically. No hesitation, no doubt.

 

“Do you love him?” Willow’s voice was soft, her eyes earnest. 

 

“Yes,” This time the answer was slower, but it wasn’t hesitation. The soft smile curving her lips halted the word momentarily. “I love him,”

 

“Are you sure?” Tara questioned.

 

“Yes, I’m very sure.” 

 

“All right then, stay here a minute.” Xander stood and pushed Buffy back into the chair as she moved to stand. “Stay here, Buffy, I’ll be right back.”

 

“Xander, what are you...doing?” The last word trailed off as he moved out of hearing range...straight towards Spike on his bar stool.

 

“Spike,”

 

“Yeah,” He turned to see Xander standing less than a foot away.

 

“You ever hurt Buffy and I will personally shove a Christmas tree through your rib cage.” Xander’s face and body shouted protective friend in its every line.

 

“Lights and all?”

 

“Spike,” Xander leaned closer, threateningly. 

 

“Relax, bloke.” Spike put a hand on his shoulder. “I’d never hurt Buffy. And if I ever did, you’d be doing me a favor with the quick death.” 

 

“You better be sure about that, Spike. We’d all do anything for Buffy.”

 

“I’m in love with her, Xander. So would I.”

 

“Okay, Spike. I believe you.” Motioning his head towards the table, Xander continued. “Come, have a drink with us.” 

 

“You sure?” 

 

Xander nodded, leading the way back to the table. “If you’re going to be with Buffy, we’ll just have to get used to it. So come sit with us.”

 

“I’d love to,” Spike followed, sliding into the seat next to Buffy’s, wrapping an arm around her. “Hello, luv,” Tilting her chin up, he kissed her softly, his heart pounding as she responded eagerly.

 

“Hi,” Buffy smiled and rested a hand on his thigh, cuddling closer against his side.

 

“So, uh, how do you feel? I mean, how are you recovering?” Willow wrapped her hands around her glass, her eyes shifting from its contents to Spike’s face and back nervously.

 

“Never been better,” Spike smiled down at Buffy then met Willow’s eyes. “I wanted to... thank you for all you did. I wouldn’t have made it without your help.”

 

“You’re welcome, Spike.”

 

“So, next round’s on me. For I am...” Xander paused with his style of dramatic flourish. “Payday Man.”

 

***

 

“Thank you, Buffy.” Spike whispered against her skin, his hands braced against the wall behind her. Licking the rapid beat of her pulse, he dragged all ten fingers down her back, tracing every inch of skin.

 

She gasped, “What for?” And moved eagerly against his hands.

 

Lifting his head, Spike cradled her face in his palms. “For not being ashamed of this thing we have, of me.” Brushing his lips over hers, he groaned at the feel of her body against his. “For letting me touch you in public, in front of your friends.”

 

“You keep looking at me like that, Spike, and we’ll be doing a lot more in public than that.” Her voice rasped in her throat, her hands clutching his shoulders. “I want you,” Sliding her hands up to his hair, Buffy dragged his head down, attacking his lips with her own. 

 

A wordless groan escaped Spike as he ran his hands up her legs under the skirt, lifting her up and pressing her against the wall. “Buffy,” Drinking in the taste of her kiss, Spike pressed his body against hers, his hands curling her legs around his hips. “Luv, touch me. Please touch me.” 

 

He felt her smile against his lips an instant before she ripped his t-shirt open, dragging the sharp edges of her nails down his chest. Dipping her head, Buffy touched her lips to the pulse point in his throat, feeling his groan against her hair. 

 

A line of his control shattered at the pressure of her teeth in his skin, his hands frantically untying the various strings crossing her back and pulling the fabric away. “So beautiful, luv.” Spike trailed kisses down the skin of her throat, his lips moving to meet his hands at the soft skin of her breasts. Focusing his attention on the sensitive peaks, he reveled in the tightening of her legs around his body and sounds escaping her lips.

 

“Spike,” her nails digging into the skin of his back, Buffy cried out as he stripped the lacy black underwear off her body with the sharp sound of tearing silk. “Please, Spike. I need you.” She pushed her hands past the edges of his coat to fumble at his belt. “I need to feel you now.” The touch of her hands on his hips dragged her name from his lips as she stroked the hard length of him.

 

“Love, Buffy,” Shoving the skirt up around her waist, Spike cradled her hips in his hands, pressing his hardness against her wet heat. “Feel so good, luv.” 

 

“Spike, now, please.” Arching against his body, Buffy tightened her arms and legs around him and buried her face in the shoulder of his coat. “I love you, Spike.” 

 

“No, don’ look away.” Lifting her chin, Spike met her eyes with his own. “See me, see how much I love you.” Dropping urgent kisses over her lips, he lowered one hand to her thigh, angling her hips against his. “Buffy, I love you.” He accented the words with a thrust that sent him deep inside her.

 

“Spike,” Every fiber of her body reacted to the feel of him inside her, her voice catching in her throat and her nails digging into his back. “So good so ... ah, Spike.” Locking her eyes to his, Buffy eagerly met his every movement with one of her own, pleasure rising inside her.

 

The urgent rhythm built between them, growing more all consuming with each stroke of his body inside hers. “Gorgeous, luv.” She felt so good. The sweet taste of her kiss, the heat of her body against his, the texture of her skin under his hands, the intimacy of her eyes on his, and the sound of his name on her lips. The way she held him so tight, so close, drove Spike closer to the edge. “Buffy, I love you, I love you so much.”

 

The words were the last straw. Buffy cried out his name, shuddering in his arms as she came. “Spike... love you...” 

 

Her body clenching around him and the sharp bite of her nails breaking his skin shredded the last of his control. Clenching a fist in her hair, Spike gazed into her eyes and groaned her name, pressing as deep within her as possible and joining her in pleasure. “Buffy,” Slowly lowering her to her feet, he held her close against his chest, wrapping his coat around her body. “You are so beautiful, luv.”

 

“You’re very good looking yourself, Spike.” Buffy stroked a fingertip over his eyebrow, trailing her touch down his face to rub lightly over his lips. Curling closer against his body, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Come home with me.” 

 

His hands stilled on the curve of her back, his lips halting on their way to hers. “You’re letting me in the house?” The surprise in his voice was matched only by his happiness. It had been a long held fantasy of his to be able to watch her sleep, to hold her in his arms in her bed. He’d watched her enough through the window that the idea of being in her bedroom was almost as intoxicating to him as the taste of her blood had been. 

 

“Yeah, I’m not ready to stop touching you yet and I...” she paused, raising her eyes to his and tightening her arms around him. “I want you to stay with me tonight.” The emotion drawn all over his face was reflected in her eyes as she invited him home. Buffy wanted to see him, touch him in her house. She wanted to wrap herself in Spike’s arms and her blankets. She wanted him in her bed.

 

Running his hands along her back, Spike pulled her closer and kissed her eagerly, reveling in her passionate response to his touch. Lifting his head, he smiled at her. “Let’s go, luv.” Reluctantly stepping out of her arms, Spike turned to look for her clothing. “Now, where’d I throw your shirt? Oh, there it is.” Pocketing the torn black silk, he lifted the halter and moved back to her side, kissing her neck as he tied each of the strings.

 

Cuddling backwards into his arms, Buffy angled her head to give his lips more access to her skin. Curling one hand behind his head, she pulled him closer. “Come on, Spike. Let’s go home.”

 

***

 

“Spike,”

 

He let go of Buffy’s hand and held his arms out to the girl running down the porch steps. “Hey, little bit,” Catching her, he swung Dawn around easily before setting her back on her feet. “Why aren’t you in bed, girl? It’s late.” 

 

“Spike,” She socked him in the shoulder with a wide smile on her face. “Don’t treat me like a little kid.” 

 

Mussing her hair affectionately, he smiled down at her. “Never, little bit, I know better ‘n to insult a Summers.” 

 

Buffy, smiling at the two of them, walked up the steps. Moving through the open front door, she lifted the heavy iron cross off the wall, temporarily dismantling the house wards. Until Willow and Tara had time to alter the spell, this would allow Spike into the house. Leaning against the doorframe, Buffy turned in time to see Spike brush back Dawn’s hair and smile down at her.

 

He was so good with her, protective and caring without crossing the line into patronizing or condescending. Something Buffy herself never seemed to manage.

 

Tucking Dawn close against his side, Spike walked up the steps, his eyes locked on the slim form in the doorway. Buffy, his Buffy, was waiting for him. He’d never seen anything so beautiful in his life. “Buffy,” 

 

Dawn slipped out of Spike’s arms and ducked through the open door with a smile. Leaning against the stair railing, Dawn’s expression said ‘oh, how sweet’ without the slightest bit of sarcasm. 

 

“Spike,” Holding a hand out to him through the doorway, Buffy whispered tenderly “Come inside.” 

 

Taking her hand, Spike seemed almost afraid to cross the doorway. Kissing her knuckles, he closed his eyes and stepped through the door. “Buffy,” Pulling her into his arms, Spike clutched her tight and buried his face against her throat. “God, luv,” 

 

Gasping at his fierce hold, Buffy curled her arms around his neck as she felt her feet leave the floor. “Spike,” A small laugh escaped her as he swung her around in a tight circle, her hands clenching against the shoulders of his leather trench.

 

“Buffy, you don’ know how long I wanted this.” Putting her down without letting her go, Spike cradled her cheek in one hand. “I never thought you’d let me in.” 

 

“I didn’t think I would, either.” She nuzzled his hand, her lips pressing softly against his skin.

 

“I knew you would.” Dawn sat down on the wooden chest by the door, smiling and swinging her legs. As they turned to look at her, her smile turned a little more determined. “Well, I did. I knew you guys would end up together.” 

 

“I always said you were a smart girl.” Spike smiled and gazed at Buffy. “Myself, I lost hope there for awhile.”

 

Dawn watched the melting expression on Buffy’s face for a moment before she decided that three was a crowd. “Well, it’s late and I’m gonna go to bed and turn on my radio. So you two can do... whatever you want. Goodnight,” Standing, Dawn leaned up and kissed Spike and Buffy on the cheek, heading up the stairs.

 

“Goodnight, Dawn.” 

 

“‘Night, little bit.” Spike watched the girl until her bedroom closed behind her, looking down at the woman in his arms. “You know, luv, she had a good idea, there.” Settling his hands on her hips, he pulled her close and smiled against her lips. “Bed, a little bit of music, you, me, maybe eventually sleep.” Trailing one hand up and down her thigh, Spike thoroughly enjoyed the desire written on her face. “So what do you say, Slayer? Show me your bedroom.”

 

Trembling at the heat in his eyes and the light stroke of his hand on her skin, Buffy pretended to consider the idea. But really she was just imagining him naked in the middle of her bed. All that pale skin and lean muscle on top of her cotton sheets was a very appealing picture. 

 

“Come upstairs,” Twining her fingers through his, Buffy led the way up the stairs and down the hall, smiling at the quiet music coming from Dawn’s room. Stepping into her bedroom, she turned to face him her, breath catching at the sight of him. “A part of me I tried to ignore always wondered how you would look in here.” 

 

“I always wanted to be here.” Shutting the door behind him, Spike walked towards her, his trench moving around his legs and his skin showing pale through his torn shirt. Stopping close enough to her body to feel the heat of her, he raised his hands to take off his coat.

 

“No, let me.” Her eyes shyly meeting his, Buffy caught his hands and dropped them at his sides. “I want to do it.” Dropping her eyes to the smooth line of his neck, she flattened her palms against his chest, sliding both coat and shirt down his arms to the floor. “Spike,” Dipping her head, Buffy pressed her lips to the still pulse point of his throat. Feeling his hands tangling in her hair, she trailed a line of kisses down his chest, sending her hands to his belt.

 

“Buffy,” Tilting her chin up, Spike groaned at the heat in her gaze and pulled her hard against his body, kissing her urgently. Savoring her eager response and sweet taste, he quickly untied the strings crossing her back. “My beautiful luv,” There was awe in his voice as Spike knelt in front of her, pulling the fabric aside and burying his face against her stomach.

 

“Spike, please,” Her hands clenched on his shoulders as her legs went weak at the feel of his lips caressing her skin. Sinking to her knees, Buffy guided his mouth to her breast with trembling fingers in his hair.

 

“Sweet Buffy,” Feeding hungrily at her skin, Spike sent exploring hands up the smooth skin of her legs, groaning at the feel of her hot flesh under his fingers. “God, I want you, luv.” Standing, he pulled her to her feet and stripped the last scrap of cloth from her body. “Bloody gorgeous,”

 

“Spike, I want you now.” Unfastening and pushing down his pants, Buffy pushed him backwards onto the bed, jerking both his pants and shoes off his feet. Gazing up at her with need in his eyes, Spike was finally naked in her bed. Where she’d wanted him to be for longer than she could admit. Where she’d dreamed of him. “Oh god, Spike.” 

 

“Come here, luv,” He held a hand out to her, his body already missing the touch of hers. “Come to me, love me.”

 

“I do, Spike, I love you...so much.’ Crawling up the bed, Buffy captured his lips with hers, treasuring the feel of his body against her own. Just having him here was amazing, but she needed more. She needed him. Kneeling over his hips, Buffy gasped at the feel of his hardness pressed against the juncture of her legs, “Spike,”

 

“Shh, luv, there’s no hurry.” Spike stroked a hand over her back and nuzzled his lips against her throat. “I wanted this for so long.” Rolling her beneath him, he marveled at the sight of her, naked and wanting him. “You are so bloody beautiful, luv.” Lifting her hand, Spike pressed an urgent kiss to the inside of her wrist, tracing the edge of the bandage with the tip of his tongue. Enjoying the mixture of need and pleasure on her face, he smiled into her palm, moving to nibble at the pads of her fingers.

 

“Spike, please.” Curving a hand around the back of his neck, Buffy pulled him closer, trailing her lips over the pale skin of his face. Tracing a fingertip his scarred eyebrow, Buffy found herself staring at his lips. She was addicted to his kisses and making no effort to give them up. “Spike, I want you.” Savoring the air of his groan on her skin, Buffy treated herself to a leisurely exploration of his mouth, reveling in the taste and feel of him. 

 

“Oh, god, Buffy.” Putting more urgency into the kiss, Spike stroked a palm up her side to tenderly cup her breast. “Sweet luv,” Groaning against her lips, he felt her flesh react instantly to his touch. “My turn,” Trailing his lips down her skin, Spike kissed the stiff peak of her breast, pulling it into the wet suction of his mouth.

 

“Spike,” Her body arching up into his touch, she dug her nails into his back and fought to catch her breath. Pressing her thigh against his erection, Buffy pulled him close. “Please, now.” 

 

“Not yet, luv. I want you first.” Curving his hands under her knees, he opened her legs and settled his body between them. “You are so beautiful, Buffy.” cupping her hips in his hands, Spike lowered his head to taste her wet heat. “Bloody hell, luv, you taste good.” Pulling her closer, he groaned as she cried out his name and crossed her ankles behind his back. The feel of her entire body reacting wildly to him was as sweet as the taste of her on his tongue. “Buffy,” 

 

“Spike,” Buffy fought to catch her breath, her body arching helplessly into the soft exploration of his lips and tongue. The slide of one long finger inside her and the flick of his tongue against her clit tightened her thighs around his neck and pulled a wordless cry from her mouth. Tightening her fingers in his hair, Buffy pulled him up over her body.

 

“Yes, Buffy?” Propped above her, Spike panted harshly and gazed down at her, marveling at the sight of her spread out on her bed, wanting him and only him. She was so beautiful.

 

“It’s my turn now.” Shoving him onto his back, Buffy knelt over his legs and smiled down at him. “You look so good here,” she stroked a hand along his arms, trailing fingertips over the sheet beneath it. “You feel so good here, in my bed.” Leaning down Buffy touched her lips to his, whispering against his skin, “I love you, Spike.”

 

“Buffy,” Lifting his head, he tried to deepen the kiss as she moved away. “Please,”

 

“No, I want you first.” Buffy echoed his words, watching eagerly as he caught her meaning and groaned roughly deep in his chest. She smiled, lowering her lips to the line of his throat and biting gently at the pulse point. “Spike,” Holding his hands down against the bed, she pressed her lips to the skin of his chest, applying an eager tongue to each small nipple. Painting her touch and kisses down his skin, Buffy outlined each hard muscle of his stomach with the soft caress of her lips and the light scratch of her nails on her way down his body. 

 

“Buffy...bloody hell, luv, please.”

 

Reveling in the need in his voice, Buffy wrapped a hand around his erection, feeling his body arch into her touch. “Buffy,” His tenuous control shattered and Spike pulled her up over his chest, rolling her beneath him. “God, my sweet Buffy. I need you.” Pressing hard against her, he settled his hips between her legs, groaning against her throat. “I love you so much, Buffy.”

 

“I love you, Spike.” She wrapped her arms and legs tightly around him, pulling him harder against her body. “I need you, Spike, please.” Buffy rocked her hips against his, feeling the hard length of him so close, but not close enough. “Please, now.”

 

“God, luv,” Groaning helplessly against her lips, Spike raised her hips and pushed himself inside her. “Buffy, luv...so good.” Fisting his hands in the sheets beneath her, he pressed slowly deeper within her, feeling every inch of her surrounding him.

 

“Spike,” Sighing, Buffy tightened her legs around his waist, arched at the heavenly feel of his body inside hers. Sinking her nails into his shoulders, she locked her eyes with his watching his face as her hips arched up eagerly to meet each of his thrusts. Seeing the love in his eyes heightened the already intense sensations flooding her body. Buffy reveled in the urgent pressure of his body above her and the soft rub of the cotton sheets beneath her. “So good, Spike.”

 

Groaning, Spike moved more eagerly inside her, losing himself deep within her heat. The sound of his name on her lips, the sharp bite of her nails in his skin, the sight of the emotion in her eyes, and the feel of her sheets in his hands: Buffy pushed Spike closer to losing control with every inch of her body. “Buffy,” Kissing her passionately, Spike rubbed a hand down her hip, lifting her harder against him and plunging even deeper within her. “I want to feel you come around me. Come for me.”

 

Her neck arched back and her arms tightened around him, her body shuddering in his arms as her climax washed over her. “God, Spike!” 

 

Following her right over that edge, he shouted her name and buried his face against her throat. Slowly recovering his senses from the ecstasy she’d sent him into, Spike brushed his lips across hers, curling her hair around his fingers. “You have never been as beautiful to me as you are right now, Buffy.” The touch of his fingers stroking her cheek held love and awe.

 

“What? Thoroughly had?” She looked slightly offended, well, maybe more than slightly.

 

“There is that,” He stroked a thumb over the pouting tip of her breast, feeling and enjoying her reaction the small touch. “But really, luv, now you’re open to me.”

 

“Open?!” She struggled under his weight, raising one hand and its nails to his skin.

 

Spike knew death when he saw it and moved quickly to pin her hands to the mattress on either side of her head. “Before you go and get all mad and hurt me, let me explain, Buffy.” Twining his fingers through hers, he kissed the back of her hand. “I never thought you’d ever let me see you again and now I’m here, in your bed, in your arms” He raised an eyebrow and settled closer against her with sex in every line of his expression, “In your body. You finally said you love me, you opened up to me at last. And you were never more gorgeous.” Leaning down, Spike pressed a soft, heart-filled kiss to her lips.

 

“Spike,” she returned his kiss just as tenderly, “I’ve dreamed of you, as hard as I tried not to. You were here, holding me, and I couldn’t pretend I didn’t like it. Hold me tonight, Spike.” 

 

“Always,” Reluctantly leaving her arms, he padded across the room naked to close the drapes securely and turn off the lights. Hurrying back, he met her in the middle of the bed, wrapping her in his arms and her blankets. Just like she’d dreamed about.

 

Just like they were always meant to be.

 

“Hmm, Spike,” Cuddling down into his arms, Buffy treasured the feel of him holding her so tight. “I love you so much, Spike.” 

 

“You know I love you, Buffy Summers. I love you so much.” Pulling her closer, he stroked a hand down her leg, tugging her knee over his body. “I love it that you let me touch you, I love it that you let me in.” Tipping her chin up, he kissed her, sweetly brushing his lips across hers. “Good night, luv.”

 

“Good night, Spike.” Brushing a fingertip over his scarred eyebrow, Buffy smiled at him lovingly and settled deeper into his arms, falling asleep wrapped in the safety of his touch.

 

Holding her close, Spike treasured the warmth of her in his arms until he too fell asleep. 

 

***

 

Still in her pj’s, Dawn stood leaning against the door jam with a huge smile on her face. The sight before her was simply precious and there was no denying it. Buried in covers up to her neck, Buffy was fast asleep sprawled across Spike’s chest. A bump in the blanket could only be his arm wound tightly around her waist and the fingers of his other hand were clenched in her hair, holding her cradled as close as possible.

 

Buffy, for her part, seemed to be clinging just as tightly to Spike: one arm was curled around his shoulder, her head was tucked under his chin, and her legs were intertwined with his under the blankets.

 

Crossing her arms over her stomach, Dawn sighed. They were so cute cuddled up together like that. Finally Buffy had admitted to herself and to Spike that she really did care about him. She trusted him enough to lay sleeping and vulnerable in his arms. “How sweet,”

 

Congratulating herself on her role in getting them together, Dawn silently shut the door and tiptoed down the stairs. “I think it’s gonna be a beautiful day.”

 

The End.


End file.
